Bette Davis is credited with saying, “Getting old is not for sissies.” Her statement implies that aging is a tough process. Is she right?
On the other hand, Cicero said, “Old age is the crown of life: the final act in the play of life.” Perhaps this crown weighs heavily on our heads because my experience and that of my friends is that aging is challenging to navigate.
Health Problems and Losses
Historically, getting old was mainly associated with a series of depressing losses. Mobility, energy, physical strength, and mental acuity losses were high on the list. So was the loss of good health from common age-related illnesses, such as arthritis, hearing loss, and vision changes. Dementia, diabetes, cancer, strokes, and heart disease were also associated with old age.
Another problem associated with aging is especially tough for some of us who, although healthy, care for a spouse or family member whose condition makes tremendous demands on us. And if that weren’t enough, the aging process involves the loss of loved ones—family, friends, and pets—which triggers profound grief. Finally, seniors are forced to face their own mortality.
Joyful Aging? Really?
How, then, do I persuade you, me, or anyone else to be joyful while aging? Here are four reminders that I came back to after a medical crisis brought me down:
- Aging is a privilege. Some people do not live long enough to enjoy any of the rewards of their life’s efforts. Living long enough to grow old is a gift. I remembered my second-grade girlfriend who died of cancer. Not everyone receives this gift or can wear the crown of life.
- Focusing on the here and now is more conducive to joy than focusing on what was, the life we led when we were younger, or what we once could but can no longer do. Aging is a distinctive, separate stage of life, one with unique opportunities if we are willing to look with clear eyes, focusing on what we can do.
- Caretakers need to seek out help. Don’t soldier on alone. Approximately one-third of caregivers die before their patients do. Finding moments of relief and joy is as essential to the caregiver’s survival as food, water, and air.
- Savoring moments of pleasure is essential. We need to enjoy the hugs we receive or give. Savor the taste of our coffee in the morning. Take in the smell of a rain-soaked garden or the juiciness of a fresh, ripe nectarine. Appreciate the flowers in a neighbor’s garden. For a quick fix, try NPR’s Joy Generator. You can’t help but smile at some photographs or be soothed by nature’s sounds.
If we take moments of simple pleasure for granted and fail to notice them, they disappear. But if we savor them, our day can become filled with joyful moments.
Ungrateful and Self-Pitying
Recently, I was hospitalized with a life-threatening condition. I survived thanks to outstanding French doctors, caring nursing staff, and the latest medical technology. One would think I would be joyful, given that I survived despite the odds. But instead, I was depressed.
I was unhappy that my recovery would keep me housebound and that I wouldn’t be able to play tennis with my friends when they restarted in the fall. Also discouraging me was the overwhelming fatigue that kept me from tackling various writing and sewing projects.
I was stuck in self-pity until I remembered Viktor Frankl’s quote from his book Man’s Search for Meaning. He said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation . . . we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Following that advice, I reminded myself that simply being alive was quite a gift. Then I started thinking about what I could do to improve the lives of those around me and how I could recover the stamina that would, I knew, improve my life.
To Begin Is Enough
I thought of a couple of ideas. One was going for a short walk around the block. I succeeded, and being outdoors was exhilarating. Today, I’ll see if I can walk just a bit longer.
I also focused on moments that brought me happiness—like getting up each morning, making coffee, and enjoying breakfast in bed. Sipping coffee while writing in my journal never fails to make me happy.
I rediscovered that being joyful—regardless of my circumstances—is possible when I follow my advice. Of course, a focused determination is necessary; otherwise, negatives threaten to steal my attention and make me miserable.
Once again, I have to give credit to one of the wise philosophers from the ancient past. Marcus Aurelius Antoninus said, “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” I need to post his words on my bathroom mirror.
All images from Canva