If you’ve seen the cult movie The Fight Club, you know the story dramatizes a man with two personalities, one of which is hidden from him.
An older movie, The Three Faces of Eve, also centered on a person with multiple personalities. The first Eve was a dutiful housewife, the second Eve was a fun-loving, high-spending playgirl, and the third personality, Jane, explained the first two.
A popular dark-comedy television series, United States of Tara, featured a woman with dissociative identity disorder. Her distinct personalities kept life quite interesting for her children and husband.
Do Normal People Have Multiple Selves?
These shows highlight psychologically disturbed people whose conflicting selves may or may not communicate with each other. But what about regular people who have different selves?
How many of us are like the person Pablo Neruda describes in his poem “We Are Many”?
Of the many men whom I am, whom we are,
I cannot settle on a single one.
They are lost to me under the cover of clothing.
They have departed for another city.
Multiple Selves May be Common
Surprisingly enough, many psychologists and psychotherapists tell us that ordinary people have different selves triggered by certain demands. An article titled “A Multiple Self Theory of the Mind” in Comprehensive Psychology summarizes various theories on the subject.
Multiple selves aren’t necessarily a sign of mental illness. Psychotherapist Dr. Stephen Mitchell states that different selves “represent our ability to respond and adapt to different situations and people.”
How the Topic Came Up
I started thinking about multiple selves because it was the only way I could explain some of my behavior. When I analyzed my actions in different situations, I recognized distinct personalities or aspects of myself.
One of my selves loves to cook, tidy her home, shop for groceries, clean and organize, and toss out stuff. She also loves to sew coats, drapes, dresses, throw pillow covers, and quilts.
One of my troublesome selves is a rebel. She hates any limitations or constraints, including what she eats or drinks. The present moment is all that matters to her. The future be damned. She’s like a spoiled four-year-old. If she had her way, the life of a Bohemian would suit her just fine.
Another self serves as the tightwad—an obnoxious financial officer. She constantly nags to ensure spending is reined in, savings are set aside, checks are deposited, and bills and taxes are paid on time. She gets grouchy when unexpected expenses occur, like when an appliance dies and needs replacement, because she likes being in control.
Another self is a social butterfly who sends birthday cards and Christmas letters. She likes to select and give the perfect gift. She enjoys taking treats to her neighbors. She emails or texts friends and family to stay in touch. She’s a bit of a perfectionist and likes to keep up appearances.
Yet another self is a young, undisciplined student. She reads about any subject that catches her fancy and loves TED Talks! Studying, though, is not part of her repertoire. She’s not disciplined enough.
Yet another one of my selves is an entrepreneur. Turning a failing business into a success is a source of tremendous satisfaction, as is starting a business from scratch. Yet if I hadn’t been forced to make a living for myself as a divorcée with two children to support, I would never have discovered this business self.
My writer self was a late-in-life discovery. It is a rare day when this self does not find time to write, even if it is only some fragmented notes to myself in my journal. Stringing words together is a source of deep satisfaction.
How to Integrate These Selves?
If we indeed have multiple selves, how do we integrate them into a meaningful whole? The integration is necessary to avoid conflict. For example, should I finish writing this article? Should I go for a walk with a friend? Should I indulge in a movie? Or should I take care of the dirty dishes from lunch stacked on the kitchen counter?
One theory of multiple selves sees the integration of these various selves—or, if you prefer, aspects of selves—as the primary work of the second half of life. The achievement of maturity reflects this integration. Another theory is that an overarching self pulls the subselves into one entity.
E. B. White, the author of many beloved children’s classics, including Charlotte’s Web, said, “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
Given the various personalities housed in my psyche, like Mr. White, I sometimes have difficulty planning my day.
Therapists, psychotherapists, and psychiatrists disagree whether the condition labeled multiple personality disorder exists. However, no one argues that there aren’t distinct aspects of self that different circumstances bring to the forefront of one’s behavior.
Have you thought about how many people live inside you? Or how many distinct aspects (and even conflicting ones) make you the person you are? You might find thoughtful reflection informative.
All images from Canva