If your response to this question is no, you are lying, according to Ian Leslie, author of Born Liars. If you are part of the human race, the honest answer is yes.
We don’t have to teach children to lie. Indeed, they must be taught the opposite—to tell the truth. Remember the mythical story about George Washington cutting down the cherry tree? When questioned by his father, he famously replied, “I cannot tell a lie.”
Still, children figure out how to lie as early as age two. The lying behavior continues into adulthood. Researchers also tell us that the average American tells 11 lies a week.
Leslie’s book points out a contradiction in our thinking about lying: “On the one hand, we hate lies and liars. On the other, we all indulge in fibs, tall tales and fantasies. If lying is wrong, why do we all do it—both to others and ourselves?”
What Kind of Lies Do We Tell?
A white lie is typically done to spare someone’s feelings, like telling your friend you liked the chili bean dip she brought to your family dinner when, in fact, after one bite, you wanted to spit it out.
White lies come with a warning from Austin O’Malley, a nineteenth-century English literature professor at the University of Notre Dame who wrote, “Those that think it permissible to tell white lies soon grow color blind.”
Deception and Gaslighting
A lie of deception tries to persuade the listener to believe something is true that isn’t true. Or to believe that something that isn’t true is. For example, an employee may tell his boss he was late for work because of a traffic accident when he actually overslept.
Another form of deception is gaslighting. For example, a husband tells his wife he has to work late when he has a rendezvous with his girlfriend. The wife senses something is wrong and confronts him, but he denies it, insisting that she is imagining things.
A Simple Omission
A lie of omission leaves out a significant detail, altering the interpretation of an event. Baltasar Gracián, a seventeenth-century Spanish Jesuit priest, philosopher and writer known for his works on moral philosophy, said, “Don’t lie, but don’t tell the whole truth” (which struck me as odd advice for a morality priest). For example, a woman receives an expensive gift that she doesn’t like. While profusely thanking the gift-giver, she fails to mention her plans to return the gift for a refund.
Exaggeration is another form of lying. In Grandpa Joe’s story, the 20-inch fish he caught years ago measures 3 feet in his subsequent version of the catch.
Making It Up
Inventing falsehoods that have no basis in reality is considered fabrication. Some people have a compulsion to fabricate. For example, consider someone who claims to have won a Purple Heart, even though the person was never engaged in military combat.
Catfishing refers to the practice of misrepresenting oneself on a dating app. In 2022, over 19,000 U.S. residents reported losing almost $740 million to romance scammers. Evidently, catfishing can pay big bucks!
Bald-Faced Lie
Then there’s the bald-faced lie, an obviously untruthful statement. For example, someone might claim career achievements and titles that have no basis in reality. The fact that the person has been unemployed for years does not inhibit the storyteller.
A pathological lie is one that is told out of a compulsive psychological need to control the narrative. People with this compulsion lie about everything. I’ve known only one pathological liar, and her capacity for telling falsehoods astounded me. She would even lie about what she ate for lunch. I asked her why she was untruthful about something so insignificant, and she responded, “Lying puts me in control. I’m the only one who knows the truth.”
Fraudulent Lies Trigger Lawsuits
A fraudulent lie has financial and legal ramifications. For example, a used car salesman who tells a customer that the car he is considering buying has never been in an accident, when the the car just came back from repairs at the body shop. The salesman is telling a fraudulent lie that can potentially trigger a lawsuit.
A false confession is a different kind of lie. Here, a suspect seeks relief from the pressure of accusation by lying to the interrogator and admitting to a crime. After prolonged interrogation, the suspect begins to believe the revised truth.
The Olympics of Lying: Ordinary, Good and Outstanding Liars
Most of us recognize the different kinds of lies, maybe even the ones we tell. We also know that some of us are okay liars, some of us are good at lying, and some of us are Olympic-level liars.
In his essay “On the Decay of the Art of Lying,” Mark Twain suggested that the art of lying was not practiced with sufficient skill and craftsmanship. I beg to differ. Some of the politicians currently leading our country are masters of the art of lying. It may even be a requirement for getting elected.
Socrates was not a fan of lying. He wrote, “Lies are the greatest murder. They kill the truth.” He also commented on the impact of lying on the liar. “False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.”
When Lying Is Good
Not all lies are bad. Consider the placebo effect. Many patients who are given placebos instead of medicine report positive results just as if they’d taken the medicine.
Researchers don’t understand how placebos work or why they work even when people know they are taking a placebo. As a result, the placebo effect makes it “harder for researchers to prove that a new medication is effective.”
Do You Lie to Yourself?
Fyodor Dostoyevsky said, “Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” Perhaps the lies we tell ourselves are the most dangerous, especially if we insist we do not lie.
For example, we may lie to ourselves that in 2025, we will finally shed the extra pounds we’re carrying. Or we may lie to ourselves about how much alcohol we drink and instead insist we have control over our habits.
We may lie to ourselves about how depressed we are with the way our life has turned out. We may lie to ourselves about how lonely we are. We may lie to ourselves that embezzling money from our employer isn’t stealing—it’s simply a loan that will be repaid.
We may lie to ourselves that the holes in our vision are a sign of fatigue rather than admitting to the possibility of glaucoma, given our age and genetic history. We may lie about how well off we are when we secretly worry about how the mortgage will get paid.
We may lie to ourselves about the wisdom of buying a lottery ticket. Confident that we have the right combination of numbers to win, we refuse to admit we are wasting money.
When our relationships keep breaking down or we keep getting fired from jobs, we may lie to ourselves that our behavior isn’t part of the problem.
We may be lying when we tell ourselves that after getting the next promotion, we’ll get our workaholism under control and spend more time with our family enjoying life.
Natural-Born Liars
You and I, along with everyone else, are capable of self-deception. We can happily pull the wool over our own eyes. We are natural-born liars. The possibility that you and I may be lying to ourselves about a vital aspect of our lives should give us pause.
At a minimum, it should make us question our relationship with the truth. Plus, knowing how often we are lied to by others could serve to improve our skills in listening with discernment.
Carole Carson invites readers who would like a free e-book of one of her fictional autobiographical novels, Blackbird, to send her an email: CaroleCarson41@gmail.com.
All photos from Canva